Arguing with someone who gave you an unfavorable review is always a bad idea. First, you have to remember that everybody is entitled to their opinion. Fiction is art, art is subjective and in the eye of the beholder, and everyone is going to have an opinion on it. There are books that you don’t care to read that other people rave about, and vice verse.

Second, writing is your job, and you have to be a professional about it.

The first review I saw for my first novel was in a national SF/F magazine, and from her summary of the plot, I could tell the reviewer hadn’t actually read the book. She had read the somewhat misleading description on the jacket, and probably the first and last chapters, but not all that stuff in the middle. This wasn’t the last time that happened to me. It isn’t uncommon, and will happen at one point or another to most writers.

If arguing with a reviewer is bad, assembling a pitchfork- and torch-bearing mob of friends to go after the reviewer is an even worse idea. Possibly the very worst idea ever. It turns you into a troll. (And if you do bad things online, contrary to popular belief, it does make you a bad person in real/offline life, too.)

Some people get addicted very quickly to internet attention and sympathy, and are prepared to kill and eat just about anybody to get that attention and sympathy. Don’t be one of those people. And don’t play into the hands of one of those people by responding to their effort to kill and eat you.

I’ve always thought that the writers who blow up at bad reviews and go crazy are likely writers who didn’t come out of a writing community with workshops and critique groups. If the only people who have read their work are their friends, their agent, and the editor who bought the book, then they probably haven’t had much experience in dealing with criticism from a variety of people. If their first book also happened to be a popular hit, they may end up with a lot of friends and commenters on their blog who shower them with compliments. (See above, addictions to internet attention and sympathy.) It’s easy, terribly easy, to let that kind of thing go to your head, to let your ego get out of control.

I think this is one reason why writers’ workshops are valuable. If you go to one, your work will be exposed to criticism from people who aren’t your friends and who aren’t professional editors. It not only helps you learn how to understand and interpret criticism, but it helps you develop a thick skin. And if you’re going to be a writer, you have to have a thick skin.

There are some people who come to workshops and critique groups for other reasons than having their story critiqued, reasons they probably don’t admit to themselves, having to do with power and control. Dealing with those people is also an education, and it will help you ignore the online trolls, both the passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive variety.

Another thing that can handicap a new writer in dealing with criticism is if they come from writing communities where offering constructive criticism isn’t common, and where any kind of criticism is often interpreted as an attack. The well-meaning people who offer it find it tends to cause trouble, so they stop offering. So the only people who still offer it tend to be people who are actually using it as an attack, which perpetuates the belief in the community members that criticism from strangers is never helpful or well-meant or even neutral. Which again is not good preparation for the professional writing world.

There’s nothing wrong with getting upset at harsh criticism or unfair reviews. But do not give the game away. If you have to vent, vent at home to a trusted (offline, in person) friend or family member or pet. If you have to cry at a workshop, don’t. Cry and vent in your car (not while you’re driving) or at home.

Dealing with reviews can be a strange experience. Some writers are able to read reviews and gain valuable insights into their work. Some avoid reviews because the great ones make them feel they can never hit that peak with a book again, and the bad ones are too discouraging. And reviews where it seems like the reviewer reviewed the book they wanted to read instead of the one you wrote are very frustrating. Writers are often trying to balance a family and a full-time day job with a full-time writing career, and may find reviews just too stressful. Even an enthusiastic review that refers to things that didn’t actually happen in your book can be a downer.

But the reviews that give such a good analysis of the book they make you remember why you wanted to write it in the first place are rare, and to be treasured.